Dear Baby M
Dear Baby M,
I can’t believe it. Tomorrow marks 30 weeks in our pregnancy. You are over 3 pounds now and have all the parts you will be born with. You are already a huge part of us. Not a conversation goes by that doesn’t involve you. I’ll admit that I haven’t been very good about documenting the little things in our pregnancy. But that doesn’t mean you are ever far from my mind and my heart. Before my pregnancy/mommy brain fails me, I want to write down everything I can so one day, when you’re a woman and interested in this sort of thing, I can tell you all about how you were when you were inside me. And you will smile to know how much you were loved from day one by Daddy & me and also your big sisters.
Although life is very different now than it was with my pregnancy with Cameron, you’ve been good to me. I cannot complain at all. It was no surprise that I experienced some pretty extreme morning sickness early on. Well morning, noon and night I should say. I knew at 6 weeks along that you were our 3rd little girl. People always ask me if we wanted a boy or if we’re going to “try again” for a boy. You were not a failed roll of the dice, M. A part of me always knew I would have 3 girls and nothing brings me more joy. If we didn’t want another little girl we wouldn’t have tried to have another baby. Daddy and I are so happy to welcome you as the final piece to our little family. You will fit right in with your sisters. They are literally bubbling with excitement in anticipation of your arrival. And so are we.
Most people asked us when we were thinking about your name if we would pick another C name. Sure, we considered it. Having all of our children’s names start with the same letter was never part of the plan, though. It just kind of worked out that way for Cam & Char. Daddy named Cameron. Charlotte is named after our grandmothers. And I picked your name. It’s not a C but none of the other C names we could think of felt right. This name just felt right for you. I hope you always know we picked this name for you because we love you and it was more important to us to have a name that felt right than a name that started with a C. I hope you never feel left out over it. It was never our intention.
We find ourselves talking and daydreaming about how you will look. What will you be like? Will you have brown eyes like your big sisters or maybe blue eyes, or green? Will you be blonde like Charlotte or maybe a brunette? We wonder what your voice will sound like. Your sisters have so many questions about you. How will you come out? How big will you be? What will you eat? What will you play with? Anytime we go to a store with baby clothes they insist on finding something just for you. I should probably get on video how adorable it is to watch them go nuts over baby stuff. “Awww, Mom look how little this is! Will this really fit her?” Charlotte is all prepared to have a spot for you in bed right next to us. She says she wants to snuggle you and me. Once you know Charlotte, you will know how huge this is. Cameron is hoping she can tell you all about her favorite things while she holds you. They are both practicing diaper changes and holding their baby dolls a lot lately. They talk about who will sit next to you in the car. Who will get your pacifier for you if you drop it. Who will show you how to crawl. Who will show you how to clap, and smile and talk.
I feel like you already know your sisters. You can already hear from inside me. And you probably hear them all the time. The other day, I had not felt you move all morning and sat down on the couch to focus on making sure you were okay. Cameron sat down with me. She could see the concern and focus on my face. Nothing seemed to help get you moving so Cameron started talking to you. “Hi M, it’s me your big sister, Cameron. I’m right here. I can’t wait until you come out. We can play and I can hold you an when you are a little bigger I can teach you to walk. I love you, M.” And boom there was a little jab, right on the side of her face, you connected with her. You wouldn’t believe the smile she gave. She just knew you meant that for her.
Aside from every now and then, I’d say you are a pretty active baby. You do most of your moving at night. I first felt you move at 17 weeks while we were on vacation in San Antonio. Since about 20 weeks you have moved from breech to vertex on average once a week. I’m hoping you’re done flipping now since the nurse in me can’t help but worry about how tangled up you might be in your cord. I get to see you on ultrasound about once a week. I’ve seen you grow from a speck that I could hardly see to a baby that is so big that I have to look all over my abdomen just to see all of you. I saw your heart beating at 6 weeks. I saw you moving at 8 weeks. And sucking your thumb at 12 weeks. It’s been incredible and so rewarding to watch you grow. I wish we didn’t have just 9-10 weeks left. There’s just nothing like feeling your kicks and rolls inside. Each one makes my heart flutter. It reminds me that you’re okay. That you’re there. That we’re connected. Every night, your big sister Charlotte likes to help me rub lotion on my belly. She likes to see if she can feel your feet. And then we listen to your heartbeat on the Doppler. This is just one of the things babies of OB nurses go through. You receive a nightly non-stress test just because I can. Not because you need it but it makes me happy to hear you. I like close my eyes and listen to your heart beat. Six and a half years as a labor nurse has trained my ears to hear a healthy baby in that sound.
I really haven’t had many cravings during our pregnancy. Lately, the only thing that I would say I crave is ice. I never craved that with your sisters. My first clue that I was pregnant with you was that I wanted a hot dog. I craved them to an extreme with your sisters. And wanted them only days after you were conceived. I also went through a period where I wanted breakfast tacos, bacon and egg, around 12-20 weeks. But now it’s just ice and I am eating lots of fruits and vegetables. Ok… and chocolate does sound pretty good too. And peanut butter. And coffee.
Medically everything has been perfect with our pregnancy. My doctor is making me take extra iron now due to slight anemia but that’s it. Everything is perfect. What a blessing. I pray that God blesses you with the same one day. Pregnancy, and a healthy one at that, is not a given for every woman. I’ve seen my fair share of heartbreak which only makes me treasure your little life inside that much more. You are our gift. You were wanted. We prayed for you. We planned for you and were surprised with how quickly we were blessed with you.
You are due 2 days before Thanksgiving this year. Your official due date is November 25th. That’s your great-grandmother (Mor’s) 88th birthday. If you come 2 days later, you will be born on your other great-grandparents’ (Grandma & Grandpa) 65th wedding anniversary which is also your Nana’s birthday and the birthday of your late Great Aunt Doris, who passed away just a few weeks ago. If you arrive 5 days after your due date you will be born on your other great-grandmother’s (Gammie) birthday. We don’t know when you’ll arrive but I’m betting you’re going to make your own day. And that’s perfectly okay. You give us even more to celebrate this year and one more thing to be extra thankful for. The second half of the year is going to be so busy and exciting for us from now on. All of the fall and winter holidays plus all of your birthdays and our anniversary. It’s always been our favorite time of year!
I guess that’s all for now, little one. I hope you never forget how much you’re loved. I hope you always know how much you were wanted and how exciting the wait for you has been. It has gone by just too fast. I would add an extra month if I could just to enjoy our special connection inside that much longer. It’s even sweeter since you’re my last, my baby. The next 2 months you will grow and more than double your size. And then, one day soon in November, we will finally get to meet you and introduce you to your very special big sisters. You really are a lucky girl that you get these two to look out for you. You couldn’t ask for purer hearts in a pair of kids. The three of you have to stick together always. There will be good days and bad days I’m sure as you grow older but these two are your built in best friends and will always have your back. Never forget that, okay? I love you, little M. I can’t wait to hold you in my arms.